MY Story
Finding Happiness
A Yearning for More and finding Emptiness in Success
From a very young age, I always felt that I wanted more from life, that life can be different. So I started chasing things that society tells you is going to bring you happiness and fulfilment in life. At an age of 22, I moved to London and started pursuing different careers. As I was putting a lot of work into it, I was able to be successful quite quickly. I had everything that people say you should have; a good job, a house, a car, even my own business later on. However, as the time passed, I kept realising that no matter what I do, how hard I work and how much I achieve there is this emptiness inside of me. Like something is missing and I had no idea what it was. I still kept going even when my health started to decline and panic and depression became part of my day to day life. I remember there used to be a time when I used to drive home after work and cry almost all the way. Sitting in a comfortable leather seat car, each evening I had tears streaming down my face without knowing what exactly is wrong and what I can do to change it. At that time I found ways to numb the pain like everyone else.. Gym, parties, expensive holidays abroad.
Things got worse when my mum passed away in 2017. At that point, I completely lost the feelings of joy and happiness. Depression, anxiety and panic attacks took over my life. My physical health started getting worse, until one day I just fainted in the office. Doctors said that there is nothing physically wrong with me and I should just eat better and rest a bit if I can. Nothing helped and I had to leave my job and move back home. I found myself stuck inside my room as at that point leaving the house meant a full blown panic attack. There was only one option left – antidepressants, that made me capable of living and doing day to day tasks, but completely unable to feel emotions or connection with my body.
Life Before
The Breathwork Revelation
While I was still living in London I took a holiday trip to Koh Phangan, Thailand. That was the first time I came across Breathwork. I sat in a restaurant of one of the retreat centres there, while a girl I met there was telling me about this next class that is very intense but can change your life. ‘You only breathe and things start happening to you’ she said. At that point I had a lot of fear, but as it was just couple months after my mum passed away and I felt so totally lost I thought there is nothing more to loose. I went in, laid down on the mat, closed my eyes and started following instructions. I had no idea that the next hour is going to change my life. I started feeling all the strange physical sensations, tingling all over my body, and something that seemed like paralysis. I felt scared, but something insider of me was telling to keep going. I cried like crazy as I came back to my mums funeral, but this time it seemed like I was floating in the air above the whole situation, seeing everything from the above. Right at the end of the session it happened. This feeling of just knowing that I am doing a right thing. The feeling of some sort of bliss, happiness and love to everything around me that I have never felt before. I got up and felt like something extremely powerful has happened, I just did not know what it was and how it was going to change my life.
After the holiday was over, I packed up and went back to London, once again trying to fit into a life that was making me feel more and more sick each day.
One night I woke up with another full blown panic attack and these questions in my mind about my life and its purpose. And then it just landed on me – BREATHWORK. It was 3am when I opened my laptop and just automatically typed ‘Breathwork teacher Training’. The first result was from the same Koh Phangan island where I had my first powerful experience and I booked it the same night.
Unfortunately, at that time things did not go as planned with Covid closing everything down, so I had to wait for another year. When I was finally able to fly again, I was already living back home, trying as much as I can to fight my anxiety and depression while taking medication.
Life After
Emerge from the Shadows
When the day came and I was finally on the plane to Ikaria island in Greece for an intensive Breathwork teacher training, I had that feeling again. As I looked down at a beautiful Icarian sea, with this inner feeling, that once more I am going to exactly the right place, at exactly the right time.
The training was intense and truly life changing. Every day was filled with intense Breathwork sessions, Bio-dev Tantra practices, active and still meditations and others. We cried and laughed and screamed and cried again every day. I entered the training with only one mindset – either this works or I don’t know what else will. And it did.
After about 2 weeks my panic attacks started to fade away. And after the training was over I left feeling more myself than I was ever feeling before. I know what happened there changed me in very deep and profound way. So many things have been moved inside of me, so many things I realised, forgave, accepted. I also realised that in order for any practice to work, there is one key element that is needed – LOVE. I left Ikaria filled with pace, joy and excitement about the future. I learned to accept reality, to stop fighting things I cannot change, to come back to myself, to forgive myself and start living in harmony with myself and everything around me.
A World Unveiled
Sharing Wisdom Globally
After the training, I flew to Dominican Republic where I started teaching Breathwork and sharing this amazing, life changing tool. Over the next couple of years I moved to Koh Phangan and started working for the same Awakening and Healing school I did my training in. I was teaching and learning every day, diving deeper in Breathwork, Tantra and other practices. I learned a lot from each class and each person, that arrived to the centre looking for the same thing I was 6 years ago. I started organising intense Breathwork & Tantra workshops, hoping to give people the same glimpse of inner peace and purpose I had 6 years ago.
Today, I am starting to share the tools I learned around the world through workshops, retreats and teacher trainings. Every class I am able to lead gives me immense amount of happiness. Seeing the change in people’s faces, seeing emotions and most importantly being able to fill their hearts with love and compassion makes me feel that I am doing exactly the right thing.
Sometimes even a short glimpse of peace and happiness, a few seconds can make such a profound effect. I feel honoured to be able to share this knowledge and be part of the change in peoples’ lives. AHO.